WH Chronicle No. 1.05

Aug 23, 2010

Well, at T-minus 17 days, I’m once again having to  make the bed because our house is back on the market.  Our renters’ son broke his leg and was worried about the stairs.  But despite the two ground floors and wheel chair access, they requested that we seek new renters.   So back to keeping a clean house—which has been severely compounded by the suitcase guts splattered uniformly across our home.

Ahhh...leaving Bear Valley....where they get as much snow (average 170" of snow per year) as we do heat. 

The drive home provided us with more than just hemorrhoids.   First, we had to gas up...all I can say is,

“that poor Mrs. Ebbetts”

 (Thanks, Deb!)

Then on to Stockton, CA to stay with Ruth, Brian, Casey and Carolyn.  Sam has a thing for Carolyn’s elbow.  I wonder if sucking one's thumb provides the same desired effect as smoking a cigarette--post-elbow rub?  

Ruth carries her taxes around in a Duraflame box.   Now THAT is irony.

Lost Wages (Las Vegas) was the next stop on the list, at Sam’s request.  This city initiated multiple ‘moral discussions’ as the kids were enamored with billboards of naked women, drive-thru chapels (seriously) or grannies chugging booze and pulling slots.   Sam wanted his picture taken with the ‘ladys dressed in the feathers’.  Tom suggested that Sam could begin to 'upgrade'  his elbow fetish.  

While in Vegas, we cheaped out on a kennel-sized room at the Stratosphere, and rather spent our money visiting the Mandalay Bay Aquarium.  It was quite impressive.  We were offered the opportunity to purchase an ‘aquarium family photo package’ that cost more than our motel-crate, but decided to instead illustrate the event.  This was a group effort, and partial re-enactment. 

Next was the drive across the desert—where the blazing temperature licks fan belts like gummi worms. 

112 was the highest it registered for us, that was about the time we drove past a coasting suburban.   The coolth of Carlsbad Caverns was welcomed. 

"I thought happiness was Lubbock, Texas in my rear view mirror." But rather it was the highlight.     Jerry and Susanna’s next door neighbor splurged on a firework show that  would make Epcot envious.  Pre-pyrotechnics entertainment was provided by Jerry's thigh-slappin’, bluegrass band,  “The Other Brothers”.    Daryl and Sam buried themselves in Meg’s old Barbies and  Playstation games for the duration of the stay except when they stepped out to mingle.    I love it when they say, “the locals are colorful”.  This appeared to be true--even  through a rear view mirror. 

BTW

• ·         Rooster hasn’t lost any weight at the fat farm, but loves the 24/7 access to kitty toys and road trips.
• ·         Chucky has quit hiding under the workbench and now meows incessantly at anyone walking by.
• ·         Big Red resembles a Ninja chicken when offered fresh produce.  In her excitement, she’ll run, roll, leap, and flog anyone within 10 paces that could be carrying a tasty morsel.  You might even hear a tiny, 'hiiii-yah'.  
• ·         Haven’t heard an update from Col. Mustard.  I hope he’s still upside down.   
• ·         Jamillie skyped me and moaned the song of teenage boredom.  As she prepares for school and resumes her old life, she said it all seemed like a distant dream.  
• Google Eyes (the rat) passed away.  Turns out that he was 208 in rat years. Heather and Chris have spent only half of that time in mourning.  

“Cross the river in a crowd and the crocodile won’t eat  you.”  African Proverb unheeded by the owner of the flip-flop and thigh bone found in Jerry’s crocodile.

"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."  ~Steven Wright

"Las Vegas is Everyman's cut-rate Babylon.  Not far away there is, or was, a roadside lunch counter and over it a sign proclaiming in three words that a Roman emperor's orgy is now a democratic institution.  "Topless Pizza Lunch.""  ~Alistair Cooke

"Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television’s message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparision with the need for a toothpaste that offer whiter teeth and fresher breath.”   Dave Barry

Passing the Beano to all Ebbetts,

Daris

PS. Click on the pictures below to see our new releases:

  

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WH Chronicle No. 1.04

WH Chronicle 1.04

August 12, 2010

At T-minus one month and counting, we’ve endured a house rental rollercoaster.  The lack of internet, phone and being two time zones away has also exacerbated this amusing ride.  Originally, we leased the house the day before our California departure.  Then, via smoke signals, we learn the renters, due to unfortunate circumstances of an injured child, needed to move in to our house early.  Through Draconian efforts, as well as cashing in premature favors, we had the house prepared for them 2 months early; only to receive a gibbered message from our real estate agent stating they no longer desired to live there.  This leaves one with that awful feeling when you go to “shoot the moon” and then realize in the penultimate hand that…well… To be continued….

 

We’ve braved the cold in Bear Valley, reacquainting ourselves with jackets and jeans.  We played a concert one night in the circus-style tent, where Mat, our flutist, explained to the audience that playing the flute in this climate was just like sticking your tongue to a frozen flagpole.  He speaks quite well despite the splint on his tongue.

The Bear Valley Book Sale will provide Tanzanians with future reading material.  Our family now hoards books as if preparing for an Armageddon recovery effort .  There was a Foxfire book in our purchase bag.  These ‘roughing it’ field guides teach you such things as how to make a bicycle out of a sheep (extra soft seat, cool horn).    Sounds useful.

The US State Department (your tax dollars at work) purchased our family a Rosetta Stone Kiswahili course.  Beyond my honest daily efforts of counting steps in the new language or learning popular kid vocabulary (mtaco = butt), I’m on lesson number 10 and have successfully learned how to say, “mvulana juu ya ndege”  =  “the boy is on top of the plane”.  Are these courses personally tailored?

The kids have been assumed into a pack of wild watoto (children) in Tamarack Lodge.  The only thing missing are occasional choruses of “Food, Glorious Food”.  Meanwhile, I’m in this weird limbo between handling the innumerable logistics and contemplating the effects of our imminent future.   The amusement park ride of problems solved and then problems discovered leaves less time for reflection and humor.  I remember a similar militant-prewar feeling prior to the birth of my children.  Being 10 months pregnant and contemplating the unpredictable weeks of birth and infancy creates a serious-minded individual.  I haven’t burst into to tears yet, as my threshold has risen with life events and years;  but, no doubt, it’ll be a tiny piece of straw.

By the Way:

“Pikepike” (pikiepikie) is ‘motor-scooter’ in Kiswahili; from the sound it makes.

“Msipigi bunduki!”  is ‘don’t shoot!’

“A stranger has big eyes, but sees nothing.”  African proverb

“A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?” 
Bob Hope 

“Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully”.  ~Max Eastman

Battening down the humor,

Daris

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WH Chronicle No. 1.03

August 2, 2010

WH Chronicle 1.03

Whaleherdienda has been on the road this week.  Your roving reporter braved the weather, the wildlife, the car-bored children, and even the outdoors to bring you our embellished reality. 

We narrowly avoided a very interesting situation upon our departure.  Sam and Daryl attended a birthday party where a herpetologist (amphibian expert) entertained the kids with snakes, insects, reptiles, etc.  The birthday ‘goodie bag’ take-home present was a pet tarantula.  Trying to plan ahead, I clearly had two choices:  1.  Schedule dinner with Tudder and PawPaw (a.k.a. pet depository) and have them adopt the tarantulas, or 2.  Take the little critters with us on a cross-country car trip.    I was tempted to transport the spiders just for the sheer folly of saying we did; but it turns out that Daryl and Sam turned down the steroidal arachnids!  They explained to Herpeman about moving to Africa and they couldn’t take them.  Ahhhh….  Of course, that begs the question of how the kids acquired more sense than their mother.

After visiting the famous arbors of Lubbock, we headed west for Ghost Ranch to join Ian and family.  It was beautiful in a deserty kind of way.  Everyone had a good laugh at our $1 tent.  Of course the folks laughing the most were the ones housed in “Taj maTent”.   There were also comments about ours being a “fair-weather tent”— though, I don’t understand the allure of camping in any weather other than fair. This Craig’s list, $1 tent, complete with extra pole, resembled a tent well enough.  And as economical efficiency might have dictated for us to just drive away from the assembled tent, we aren't in the habit of littering.

After Ghost Ranch, the station wagon cheerfully lurched westward towards Four Corners.  Ready to partake in the mindless touristy photo op of straddling four states….

Evidently, they are moving the monument? Hopefully, to a more convenient location.  The graffiti on the sign was worth a postcard.  One poor tourist, “I drove all the way from Norway to see this %$#@ site!”

Then we propelled ourselves across miles and miles of vermillion landscape—all so dusty pink that even the bottoms of the clouds were blushing. 

Onwards to Zion National Park.  It has 2.6 million visitors a year, 4 of which are US Citizens.  Sam was so taken by the grandeur of natural beauty that he popped out his first tooth. 

After Zion, we continued west, again—down the Extraterrestrial Highway.  Tom said it was named that because the landscape looks like Mars.   Though, we didn’t see anything more alien than the inhabitants of our own back seat.

Determined to get our money’s worth out of that silly tent, we stopped in Virginia Lakes to camp.   At almost 10,000 feet, it was a beautiful sight with snow still on the banks of a crystal clear lake.  Apparently many other campers were equally entranced by the lake's loveliness long before we had arrived, evident by the fact they were all permanently moved into the Virginia Lakes Campground.  The tires were off and the garage sales were in progress.  Not to be thwarted, Tom inquired about any possible open campsites around the area.  Locals (?) directed us down the road to a free (the first red flag) campground with plenty of vacancies, and lots of bears---WHAT was that?  Bears—yes, for the first time in 35 years, it was a bad “Bear Year”.   Oiy….when the kids heard that, Sam immediately put on his bear-proof swim goggles and declared the only safe place for him (and for the bear) was in the car.   Our dollar tent doubled as blanket that night while we all slept (in theory) inside the Volvo.   In-the-car-camping is a sure-fire way to lower your standards (or extinguish them all together) for future motel lodging. 

We finally made it to Bear Valley—or Beer Valley as one very unsober musician called it.   We’re here two weeks.  This is just long enough for the inanity of our adventures to fade in Tom’s memory and to begin recalculating our 5000 mile lampoon journey home.   When it’s not a good time, it’s a good story… ”fodder”. 

By the Way:

Davie—our marine biologist and supersex snail expert turned 60 last week.  They had a cross-dressing birthday party.  Anyone who’s met Lizzy understands her artistry knows no boundaries, but this could have been her 'piece de resistance'.  

That's Davie and Lizzy!

Rooster is doing well with Aunt Tammy.  She and Charlie are now comfy with the 20lb furry sandbag holding down the blankets at night.

Colonel Mustard is still upside down at Don’s house. 

House sitter is still alive. 

 "No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one." 
-- Elbert Hubbard

"Those that say you can't take it with you never saw a car packed for a vacation trip."
-- Author Unknown

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Hoarding supplies and bear repellent, 

Daris

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WH Chronicle No. 55

July 22, 2010

 

We have pictures of our house (and the place you are going to stay when you come visit us) in Tanzania!! 

The kids are mesmerized by the photos. The last one is a picture of a vervet monkey (male-by my guess)—this particular species runs rampant around the University campus similar to our Texas squirrel population. They like to wreak havoc by digging up gardens, running down/chewing up power lines and occasionally chasing University students. Sounds like fun.

 

Back on the home front—fingers crossed so I don't jinx the deal—I think our house is rented. Pending a final signature and a deposit---it seems to be official. What a relief it will be to not have to make the bed every day and live in terminal cleanliness while people parade around disparaging your belongings. These potential renters actually like our furniture and appear to have conquered any serious personal hygiene issues.

 

We enjoyed visiting with my country cousins last week.  Wonderfully sweet people!   They refer to Uncle Darrell (PawPaw) as 'the smartest man in the world'.  So they are always tickled to tell the story of when Uncle Darrell first learned about his grandaughter's name and asked, "How will they tell us apart?"   His nieces all giggled and told him that it is not a problem because he is much taller.  

 

Grandmother Ritch came to visit at us. She was threatening to make a serious road trip from Bear Valley to somewhere while commandeering the navigator seat. I hope it happens, we want her to get enough of us—so she won't miss us at least for a week after we leave.

 

With our departure date looming in the near future, Tudder and PawPaw 'swing by' as often as possible. Of course, my children's behavior now resembles that of my dog from several years ago. Those of you that remember Dizzy, remember that she moved out on her own accord. Just like Dizzy, the kids beg Tudder and PawPaw to take them home with them; as if staying with their parents represented the harshest and most inhumane conditions. Of course, green vegetables have been banned from the grandparents' house. Popcorn is health food and exercise is picking out a new video game to play for the next four hours. Dizzy led the way—she's no dummy.

 

We've ditched feline unit #2. That is, freaky weird cat, Chuck, who will never be forgiven for pooping in our bed in the middle of the night. He is a shoo-in for "Cat vs. Wild" or a "Survivorcat" realty TV show. Chuck's blog stands to outperform our own as he makes the move from soft indoor kitty to scavenging outdoor ratter; feasting on mice, guineas, and other vermin with some ol' dry cat food on the side.  We've offered him a courtesy canteen and a compass--I look forward to the video confessionals.     And the award for taking the freaky cat, tending all mail/bills, as well as the renters wins Tudder and PawPaw the one year use of the coffee machine.

 

In a moment of weakness I bought a new little fish at Petsmart for our aquarium, which is scheduled for departure to Don and Debra's house this week. It is an 'upside down catfish', it actually swims upside down. Sam named it Colonel Mustard. He also commented that if the fish is ever rightside up—we'll know that it was Prof. Plum, in the aquarium, with the fishhook.

 

 

African tidbits:

One of my favorite 'expats in Africa' stories comes from Mikal when he was a young lad living in Kenya (on Fulbright's nickel). While driving home one night, a baby rhino appeared in front of their car.  Before anyone could utter, "Awwww, look at the cute baby rhino", Mama rhino bolted from the bush and crashed into the car, hooking her horn through the driver's window.  Then, she unhooked herself and ran off with the baby.  The driver kicked out the dents and the family went on their merry way.

I love sharing this with others and watching their expressions. Casey (Tammy's sweetie), calmly replied, "I wonder how they report that on Carfax?"

 

Tanzanian Proverb:

"Suffering is prior to attaining success or perfection." Chagga Tribe

 

"Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything."  ~Charles Kuralt, On the Road With Charles Kuralt

 
"Half the fun of the travel is the esthetic of lostness."  ~Ray Bradbury

 
"Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration."  ~Dave Barry

  
Honking and waving the middle finger,
Daris


 PS Notice the favicon at the top of your browser's tab--this no small accomplishment for a bassoonist.

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WH Chronicle No. 54

July 16, 2010

How gaudy--Angels playing bassoon?  Maybe they ran out of harps. 

Sagrada Familia in Barcelona  (Sent by loyal Chronicle reader, Adita).

Sagrada Família, is a massive, privately-funded Roman Catholic church that has been under construction in Barcelona, Catalonia, Spain since 1882 and is not expected to be complete until at least 2026. A portion of the building's interior is scheduled to open for public worship and tours by September 2010.Considered the master-work of renowned Catalan architect Antoni Gaudí (1852–1926), the project's vast scale and idiosyncratic design have made it one of Barcelona's (and Spain's) top tourist attractions for many years.  It is said the famous architect emboldens the adjective function of his last name. 

(Chronicle readers are encouraged to send original photos/stories!!!)

Sam has been attending a half day Legos Robotics camp this week.  He is heartbroken that it is over.  He kept talking about his pretty teacher and how he loved to grab her elbow. 

Daryl went to cooking class.  Fruit salad, chocolate pie, marshmallow rice crispy treats, chocolate covered pretzels.  Basically anything you can make in the teachers’ lounge at school with the help of a microwave.  Soufflés are second semester. 

Jamillie, our Kazakh sweetie, wrote back to me, basically laughing at my hysterical emails about her engagement.  There was probably a heartbroken guy involved, but the binding bits of this engagement seemed to have dissolved into shreds of bizarre Kazakh humor.  Silly girl!   I always knew Borat wasn't her type. 

PawPaw seemed a little self conscious about the description of his whistling S’s.  I explained that I had never noticed it until I was 22; away at a music festival listening to a trumpet player from Julliard humorously mocking southerners’ vocal idiosyncrasies.  Not getting the joke, Tom leaned over and whispered, “That’s your dad.”  On the phone that night, I couldn’t hear a single sentiment my dad expressed over his ear-shattering whistles.  Makes one contemplate the sounds from a rural Baptist church as “forgive us of our trespasses,”  must resemble “whistling Dixie”. 

Stevie, aka Mr. Clarinet,  expressed his perspective last week and it appears to be a common theme amongst our family. 

“I just want it to be OVER!  I want to you have gone and had a good time, and now you’re back and it’s over.  There.  I said it. “  

Thanks, Stevie.   That’s sweet. 

Tammy took Rooster, the cat, this week.  After wedging him into a kitty carrier box and chuckling about his fat poking out the holes, we drove across town to dump out a cheerful cat at his sabbatical home.   We had offered the coffee machine as a reward for catcare, but since Tammy lives in a condo there was only room for a 20 lb.cat or coffee machine, but not both.  

Inquiring about Tammy’s recent work load, we learned that the biker rally, which, as a Brackenridge wound care specialist, is her busiest time of year.  And, luckily, this last 4^th of July celebrations failed to produce any peri-anal incidents.    

We’re getting ready for our annual trek to California to Bear Valley.  We’ll be stationed at Tamarack Lodge--this is for Ruth (our coolest California lady with hip LA hair!):

“Back at Tamarack”

There once was a lodge at Tamarack

Whose trash the bears did oft attack.

The families were great

As was the food we ate,

Too bad the trees echoed of our French horn kacks! 

African Fun Facts:

·         Despite their size, hippos can gallop at speeds up to 30 km/h (18 mph).

·         The smallest African country, ‘The Seychelles,’ covers an area of 453 sq km.

·         7-19-1836 HMS Beagle and Charles Darwin reach Ascension Island (coast of S. Africa)

·         July 17, 1959 Louis Leakey rewrote evolutionary history with his famous discovery in Tanzania.  The British archeologist unearthed a skull in the Olduvai Gorge (in the Ngorongoro Conservation area) that would change all previous hypotheses about human evolution beginning in Africa and not Asia as previously thought.  The superb condition of the skull allowed scientists to date the beginnings of mankind to about two million years.  The Olduvai Gorge is known as “The Cradle of Mankind.”

“We [Americans] are the lavishest and showiest and most luxury-loving people on the earth; and at our masthead we fly one true and honest symbol of the gaudiest flag the world has ever seen.”  Mark Twain

“Come, let’s have one other gaudy night.  Call to me.  All my sad captains.  Fill our bowls once more.  Let’s mock the midnight bell.”  William Shakespeare, 1564-1616

 “Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.  They charged one and lit the other one off.”  Tommy Cooper

S~~~ingin’  S~~~~as~~~parilla,

Daris~~~

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Pilot Episode

July 8th, 2010

Here in our pilot episode, we make a cockeyed attempt to explain any possible giblets of plot, theme, and character development. 

Whaleherdienda is the place we call home.  It is not a location, or building or even a residence.  Perhaps it will prove to not even be the people, but rather the spirit it encourages while encompassing a sense of adventure and silliness.  The Chronicle, or our letters home to loved ones, is a collection of obscure observations and perhaps, the accidental unsheathing of a few truth kernels along the way. 

Main sources of Chronicle Fodder:

 Tom Hale—who exemplifies the zen philosophy of endless accomplishment with no effort.   The patient husband who is either nursing his wife back to good health,  taking orders for home restoration, or preparing to give up his work to travel half way around the world to home school the children.   Amazing man.

Daryl Hale, progeny number 1, Whaleherdita, exudes 8 year old indigence with all matters of concrete thinking.    Nothing escapes her keen awareness…protecting this one’s childhood innocence is in vain.   As mom, I agonize over her desire to know the truth as it is sure to part company with childhood innocence. 

Samuel Hale, progeny number 2, Whaleherdito, is a clever and impish young man, who, at 6 years old, has already mastered a startlingly accurate impersonation of his mother by snapping his fingers, pointing in my face, and chiming “Onnne…..twwooo…..” 

His vivid imagination oozes into reality.  Any paper clip or trash giblet serves as a gun to pulverize the bad guys lurking at every turn.    Sambowhambo also never responds well to verbal admonishment.   A simple “No, don’t do that!” sparks a threatening reaction.  His smile widens, his eyes inflame, all as if I had just struck the pose of soon-to-be-gored matador.   Exhausting…this one….

PawPaw is the grandpa whose southern accent rolls forth like Brer Rabbit Molasses. His words are gently brushed by his whistling S’s, like the wind through an abandoned pennywhistle.   Extreme deception to anyone who conceives genteel accents as an indicator of lesser intelligence. And, of course, Tudder, who keeps us all honest.

Me…well…I’m the somewhat omnipotent composer/observer who creates your report through my very fractured lens of humor.

The PLOT

Someone suggested this year’s title should be: 

“A   Frican Safari”,  translating to “Whaleherds on Tanzanian Sojourn”

I'm not sure where this adventure began.  Maybe with my naked toes (a story for another day) or my bout with Hell's mosquito or just an effort to support my brother in law—maybe all three, but, regardless of what set this in motion, we're off spinning like a top.  But, maybe it was the people I met in Africa.  The ones who had nothing, and yet offered out more than anyone I had ever met.  Once you learn the stories of these individuals, one can only shed tears of inadequacy and graciousness.  Maybe that is what inspired this adventure.  

There are times you want to exit from the main highway, perhaps you've seen enough of what the road has to offer.  Or you see a horizon that needs investigating, and it just happens to be at a right angle to your current trajectory.  There's no exit.  Maybe you veer on and off the shoulder but the dumb (braille) bumps coerce you back to obedience.  So sometimes you just have to yank the wheel and …

…hit the bar ditch straight on... it’s ok to close your eyes…and hope the car keeps running….heading straight for--who knows what...imagine chickens fleeing and goats scampering…  We might even be bringing that barbed wire fence with us. 

I suppose I seek perspective.  New experience causes growth.  Babies are exposed to new experiences daily, but adults lose these original encounters and our growth slows.  It’s time to step outside the hothouse and feel the sun, the breeze and the rain.  When the world is good to you, you come to expect it.  Fortune is like cosmic candy wreaking cavities in perspective.   When only 1/3 of the world is rich enough to use toilet paper, shouldn’t I be glad that I don’t get what I truly deserve? 

“Education’s purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.”  Malcolm Forbes 

 Prepare for culture shock to be measured on the Richter scale. 

The things we anticipate missing…

Rudy’s BBQ with Tudder and PawPaw

El Camino Real with Ian

Walks with Laura

Carpooling with Bob

Lunch with Tammy

Wild Basin Winds lunches and Stevie cooking in our kitchen

ASO Breaks

Spewing wise cracks during orchestra rehearsal to make people chuckle and playfully annoy Bill

My students…of course.

The full house of Whaleherdienda tenants, Lizzy, Rebecca, Oliver, Carolyn, Hilary, Jamilly

Don dropping over for a football game

Riding around the neighborhood in the golfcart

Going to Kerrville and Arkansas, seeing our beloved family

Thanksgiving

Scissoring up the ASO 4^th of July shirt, Wearing a wig to a children's concert. 

The details—you request?

That’s the boring part.  You know, just the foothills of Kilimanjaro, a few hours from the Ngorogoro Crater (where ‘Lion King’ was filmed),  and the Olduvai Gorge (the cradle of mankind), and even Jane Goodall’s ‘Chimpland’ is right around the corner.  We’ll be staying in University housing, teaching some classes, and traveling to other regional universities and embassies to offer classical music performances, as well as US State Department Outreach.   Typical day’s work….

Link to Original

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